Unsolicited Baby Advice

There is something about talking with a pregnant woman that makes a person want to pass along unsolicited advice. As a self-professed know-it-all, I try to tamp down this instinct because I remember how annoying it was to be on the receiving end of it. Parenting is a lot like politics, everyone has their opinions and usually they’re the wrong ones.

A lot of advice feels designed to make you feel bad for your parenting choices, like “don’t co-sleep or you’ll never get the baby out of your bed” (my son co-slept and then slept in a bed in my room well into childhood years but as a teenager he now sleeps snuggly in his own room) or “let them cry it out, they’ll learn to self-soothe” (and learn to distrust that their caregivers will come to help them when they are in distress).

Keeping this in mind, I’ve compiled what I hope is a helpful list of my own unsolicited infant parenting advice. My hope is that at least one of these tips can help a new parent in a practical way.

Labor Contractions

I am not giving advice around how to handle a pregnancy or delivery. Mine was tough due to gestational diabetes and having an unsupportive partner. Each body handles creating life differently and there are a thousand ways to work through issues. The one thing I wish I knew about labor is that there are contractions and then there are PUSHING contractions. No one told me about pushing contractions. I had an epidural but when those pushing contractions started it felt like I didn’t. It makes sense they’d be stronger since your body is trying to push a baby out, but I was not prepared for them.

Check for Tongue Tie

I didn’t know until my son was 9 years old that he had a terrible tongue tie. This is when that weird bit keeping your tongue attached to the bottom of your mouth is too tight or too large keeping you from being able to lift your tongue to the roof of your mouth. As a baby it is a simple procedure to snip it. As a 9-year-old it requires surgery and months of physical therapy. If your baby is having issues latching or has jaundice, ask about your child possibly being tongue tied.

Baby Dresses

Remember those old timey photos of babies in dresses? Back then all babies also wore dresses. This was super adorable, probably frugal as you could use the same outfits for all your babies, but deeply practical.

When preparing for nighttime diaper changes, ensure you have a stock of outfits that are easy to access from the bottom. The best bet is to hunt down baby dresses, which are like long sacks that sinch at the bottom. Another option is to acquire onesies that zip starting at the top and ending at the bottom. Most onesies come with cute little button clasps or zippers that start at the feet and end at the neck. The problem with these types is they are difficult to manage in the dark at 3am. I do not recommend completely undressing your baby in the dark, cold room in the middle of the night when you need to change a diaper.

Light for Night

Another thing you need for nighttime changes is a small light to see. The best bet is to use a small light that can be clipped to your shirt. When dealing with the baby at night you’ll want to keep the light to an absolute minimum but need a small light to see what you are doing (and to see the poop!). I ended up using a booklight because that was all I had, but any small clip-on light that can be pointed away from your baby’s face will work.

Double Sheets

You’ll be changing sheets more often than you realize. Even though crib mattresses are waterproof, you should use a mattress cover and sheet. Buy multiple sets so you can put two layers on the mattress. The mattress will be on the bottom, then it’ll be mattress cover 1, sheet 1, mattress cover 2 (over sheet 1), finished by sheet 2. If an accident happens you can remove one layer and have a fresh set underneath ready to go until you have time to deal with putting a second set back on.

It is unlikely 3 layers of mattress cover and sheet will fit. I tried and it wasn’t worth the effort.

A Few Diaper Changing Tips

Always change your baby from their side, never facing them longwise with their feet nearest to you. Trust me, if their bowels get going in the middle of a diaper change you won’t want to be at the receiving end of that.

The baby will only poop black tar poop, called meconium, for the first few days. As soon as their digestive system kicks in you will experience a blowout (a blowout is what it’s called when there is too much poop for the diaper to contain and it spills out) so big that you’ll wonder how your sweet angel could produce so much poop. You’ll think your baby has been possessed. It is terrifying. Thankfully, if it happens in the middle of a diaper change, you’ll avoid the worse because you’ll be changing your baby from the side.

The easiest place to change your baby is on the floor. Throw that changing pad down on the floor and sit down to change them. After they become mobile it is safer and easier to keep them in place when they start to escape diaper changes. Once they start walking you can learn to master the standing diaper change.

When taking off a diaper, immediately drop a baby wipe over their privates while you clean them up. That cold air triggers a reaction, and the baby wipe cover will help to keep the flow contained. Thankfully, you’ll avoid he worse because you’ll be changing them from the side.

Baby Carriers

I’m a huge advocate of baby carriers, especially the wrap type. They take a bit of effort to get used to putting on, but they are very healthy for the baby’s nervous system as they mimic being in the womb. I basically lived in mine and did all my chores and errands with my son snuggled up in it. I even napped with his head sticking out of it because I was afraid he’d roll off of me (I’d always end up falling asleep with him on my chest trying to get him to sleep). The wrap carriers are also better for their hip positioning and can turn into a side sling carrier when they become mobile.

Carrying your child is hugely beneficial because it keeps your baby at your face level where they can observe your interactions with other people. Having the opportunity to watch you have conversations in such close proximity is a great learning experience for them. You’ll also find yourself talking more to your baby when they are in the carrier, which increases your bond with them.

Bath Time

Baby baths are usually done in the sink with just their bottom in the water. Put a warm, wet washcloth on baby’s belly and chest when giving them a bath. The water makes them cold because they aren’t fully submerged in it.

Final Thoughts

You will forget to strap your baby into the car seat. You will forget your full load of groceries in the trunk (more than once). You’ll forget so many things that you’ll start to sympathize with parents who forgot their kids in the car when they went to work (the same ones you used to judge). When you aren’t with your baby, you’ll stop to mentally retrace your steps in fear that you forgot them in the car.

You’ll bump their head on a doorframe (or two).

You’ll be so frustrated with them in the middle of the night you’ll have to walk away to collect yourself.

It’s okay. We’ve all been there! Give yourself a break. You are doing the best you can.

Something that helped me move past all the wrong things I did as a new parent, is that small children don’t remember events when they get older. They don’t remember the tears and threats. They don’t remember the all-nighters with the flu. They don’t even remember the mommy and me class that you suffered through (trust me - those are mostly for the parents). But they will remember feeling safe and loved.

My son told me a random memory he has of his childhood. When he was around 4 years old and sick at home, I let him eat chocolate pudding on the couch. It is a single moment of feeling safe and loved.